Jean Galea

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Is “Ignoring Your Kids” Really the Secret to Happiness?

Published: October 30, 2024Leave a Comment

Recently, a post on X titled “How to Be a Great Parent by Ignoring Your Kids” by the investor Andrew Wilkinson caught my attention—not because of its controversial title, but because of its content and reactions elicited. While many seem to see this as an eye-opening revelation, I can’t help but wonder why it’s being hailed as such. Perhaps the idea resonates more in cultures where the burden of parenting is uniquely heavy, but from my perspective, there’s more to be discussed.

First off, let me say that every family is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to parenting. Some points made in the article are, frankly, common sense—reduce over-scheduling, allow children some autonomy, and don’t strive for perfection in every moment of the day. Great, we’re on board with that. But the underlying tone that reducing parenting to something akin to negligence leads to happy families feels misplaced.

The reality is that many parents today are, in fact, very happy with their families—so long as they have a stable income and reasonable free time. We know that parenting is tough. We live in times of increased social and economic pressures, and we’re more aware than ever of how our actions impact our children. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s not a crisis of parenting; it’s a realization of how much our presence means to our children.

Some points in the article paint today’s engaged parents as overly obsessive, “hovering” at playgrounds, or indulging in endless activities that don’t add value. While there may be truth in recognizing the harm of extreme overprotectiveness, dismissing involved parenting as simply “misery-inducing” doesn’t resonate with the experience of many families. Modern parents are not just taxi drivers or babysitters—they are role models, guides, and companions in a child’s journey to becoming an adult. And that isn’t something you can achieve by ignoring them.

The nostalgic description of letting kids “roam free” through neighborhoods in the 90s, unsupervised and wild, may sound ideal, but it ignores the social context that allowed that freedom. Back then, we lived in closer-knit communities, less dominated by fear. Families knew their neighbors; communities were more tightly interwoven. There was a trust that children could explore safely, largely because the entire community contributed to that safety. We no longer live in that world, and blaming parents for wanting their children to be safe isn’t addressing the root of the problem—it’s avoiding it.

This brings me to Gabor Maté’s insights in Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. Maté speaks to the essential role of attachment in a child’s development. The idea of parents stepping back to let children figure things out entirely on their own—while it sounds like a nostalgic homage to the “good old days”—risks missing a fundamental point: children need their parents to be their secure attachment. In Maté’s words, children are meant to orient themselves emotionally through their attachment with their parents, and when this connection weakens, they will naturally seek attachment elsewhere—usually with their peers. This is where many modern parenting models go awry.

Maté’s argument emphasizes that a child’s emotional development is deeply tied to the attachment hierarchy in their lives. When parents are less involved, children increasingly turn to their peers for guidance. While this peer attachment may seem like a natural part of growing up, it often replaces the parent-child bond that is necessary for developing a secure sense of self. The author of the article encourages us to step back and give our children more independence, but if that means replacing parental engagement with a void filled only by peers, it can lead to deeper issues like anxiety, depression, or a general lack of direction as children grow into adolescents.

Instead, we should aim for a relationship that allows children to flourish both independently and securely—one where they feel comfortable exploring the world but also know they have a firm and loving foundation to return to. This doesn’t mean stifling a child’s natural autonomy, but it also doesn’t mean leaving them without the anchor that only parents can provide. As Maté notes, children need to understand that they belong to their parents and family first before they seek belonging from others.

The article also largely ignores a crucial factor: quality time. Being present isn’t about clocking hours supervising kids; it’s about true engagement. Whether it’s a bedtime story, a shared project, or just having an honest conversation, these moments matter. Parents today may spend less time letting their kids “fend for themselves,” but in the time they do spend together, they have the opportunity to truly connect—something that was not necessarily a given in past generations. I think we should be encouraging parents to be educated, to spend meaningful, quality time with their kids, and to try and see the world from their perspective. It’s not about helicoptering; it’s about being there when it counts.

Moreover, this idea of “parenting lazily” as the ultimate solution feels short-sighted. It’s not a matter of neglect versus smothering. It’s about balance, an ongoing negotiation between letting your children explore, face challenges, and learn independence while being their foundation, their safety net when things go wrong. There’s a lot of room between letting kids “roam in packs” and building trust and autonomy in a guided, intentional way.

Maté reminds us that true independence comes from a place of security. When children feel they can depend on their parents, they gain the internal stability that allows them to explore confidently. It’s not independence for the sake of it, but an independence rooted in a strong relationship. When we, as parents, truly “hold on to our kids”—emotionally, not physically—we allow them to feel safe enough to venture out.

The reality is that our world has changed, and parenting has changed along with it. It’s not an overprotective shift or an irrational reaction to fear alone. The increased involvement of parents today reflects an understanding of the importance of formative experiences in early life, and a recognition that as parents, we shape the people our children become. Yes, there can be too much of a good thing, but the solution isn’t to swing to the other extreme.

Rather than choosing between being an “overprotective parent” or a “negligent” one, let’s strive for a healthy balance—one that recognizes the changing needs of both our children and the society we live in. Let’s challenge the notion that our parental involvement should be minimized, and instead work towards a way of parenting that allows both us and our children to flourish.

Filed under: Parenting & Education

How To Get Young Kids Prepared for School in the Morning

Published: January 07, 20242 Comments

Mornings can be a challenging time for parents with young children. Getting ready for school or daycare often involves a race against the clock, which can be stressful for both parents and kids. However, with a few creative strategies and a bit of planning, you can transform chaotic mornings into smooth, enjoyable starts to the day.

As a family, we struggled quite a bit in the early years with this, especially since the school we chose was quite far from where we lived, we had less time from wake-up time to getting out and setting off by car to school.

Here are a few strategies that helped keep things sane.

Preparation the Night Before

The key to a smoother morning starts the night before. Preparation can significantly reduce morning stress and rush. Begin by selecting clothes for the next day with your child, making this a fun and collaborative activity. This not only saves time in the morning but also gives your child a sense of involvement and decision-making. Additionally, packing the school bag and planning breakfast in advance can streamline the morning routine.

Making Mornings Fun

Transforming morning tasks into a fun and engaging game can be a game-changer. Introduce a timer and challenge your child to beat the clock while getting ready. This adds an element of excitement and can significantly speed up the process. Visual aids like charts or boards where children can track their progress also work wonders. Incorporating elements of play, like dancing to their favorite songs or narrating a story during breakfast, can make mornings more enjoyable.

Empowering Choices

Offering children choices in the morning can empower them and speed up decision-making. Simple decisions like picking out their socks or choosing between two breakfast options can make a big difference. This not only helps children feel in control but also teaches them to make decisions quickly, a skill that will be beneficial in many aspects of their lives.

Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement plays a crucial role in encouraging desired behaviors in children. Praising your child for getting ready on time or completing tasks independently can significantly boost their motivation. Small rewards or incentives can also be effective, such as extra playtime or a favorite story for getting ready on time.

Consistency and Patience

Building an effective morning routine requires consistency and patience. Children thrive on routine, and being consistent with the strategies you choose helps establish a predictable pattern. At the same time, patience is key. It might take a few days or even weeks for your child to fully adjust to the new routine. Remember, every child is unique, and finding the right balance for your family might take some trial and error.

Conclusion

With a little creativity and consistency, morning routines can become a positive and efficient start to the day for both parents and children. While every child is different, these strategies can be tailored to suit individual needs and preferences, paving the way for smoother, happier mornings.

Filed under: Parenting & Education

How To Explain the Meaning of Christmas to Kids

Published: December 23, 2023Leave a Comment

If you have young kids, you might be wondering how to explain Christmas festivities without necessarily focusing on the religious and faith-based elements. I am a strong advocate of respecting our young ones’ minds and hearts, and in this case, the most sensible way to explain our celebrations is to tell them where the origins of end of December celebrations came from, together with the important reflection of sharing love and celebrating our families and communities.

More or less detail can be added depending on the age and level of development of your kids, but the general concept would go something like this:


The origin of Christmas can be traced back to ancient times, long before the traditional concept of Christmas as we know it today. Let me take you on a little journey back in time to understand it better.

Once upon a time, over two thousand years ago, in the heart of winter, several cultures used to celebrate the Winter Solstice, approximately on December 21st. The Winter Solstice is the day with the shortest period of daylight and the longest night of the year. This day is seen as a turning point, as days start getting longer, signaling the eventual arrival of spring’s warmth and renewal.

In ancient Rome, the Winter Solstice became entwined with a festive occasion called Saturnalia, a holiday in honor of Saturn, the god of agriculture. The Romans would celebrate Saturnalia with a week-long feast. It was a time of merriment, gift-giving, and social role reversals, where slaves could become the ‘masters’ for a day, a symbol of social equality.

Around the same time, Romans also celebrated the birth of the sun god, Mithra, on December 25th. This day was seen as the victory of light over darkness as it followed directly after the Winter Solstice.

Over centuries, as Christianity spread throughout the world, the Feast of the Nativity evolved into the modern Christmas celebration we know today. Customs from various cultures like gift-giving from Saturnalia, Yule logs from Germanic winter solstice celebrations, and even the Christmas tree tradition from medieval mystery plays were all incorporated into the growing holiday.

So you see, the celebration of Christmas has deep roots, borrowing traditions, and customs from many cultures and beliefs over thousands of years. It has evolved to become a global celebration of love, joy, and peace, uniting people from all corners of the world in its festive spirit.

As we bring our journey through time to the present day, we find that Christmas has become a time where people all over the world celebrate in various ways.

While the traditions and customs may differ from place to place, the underlying themes of love, joy, and togetherness remain the same. In many parts of the world, people decorate their homes with bright lights and colorful ornaments, symbolizing the light and warmth that we all seek during the darker winter months.

The Christmas tree, with its evergreen branches, represents life and hope, reminding us of the enduring power of nature even in the coldest times.

Gift-giving, inspired by ancient traditions, has become a way to show love and appreciation for our family and friends. It’s not just about the presents themselves, but the thought and care put into them. It’s a time to think of others, to give without expecting anything in return, and to spread kindness and cheer.

Santa Claus, a figure synonymous with Christmas, has a history that dates back to the 3rd century. The character is based on St. Nicholas of Myra, a bishop known for his generosity and kindness, particularly towards children. St. Nicholas’s most famous act was secretly giving gold to a poor man for his daughters’ dowries, a story that laid the foundation for his reputation as a gift-giver. Over the centuries, this historical figure merged with various cultural traditions, including the Dutch Sinterklaas and the British Father Christmas, evolving into the jolly, red-suited, white-bearded figure we know today. His portrayal was further popularized in the 19th and 20th centuries through literature and advertising, most notably by the poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas” (more commonly known as “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas”) and Coca-Cola’s holiday advertisements. This blend of folklore, religious history, and cultural influences has made Santa Claus a central symbol of Christmas cheer and the spirit of giving.

Families and friends gather together to share meals, sing songs, and create memories. These moments of togetherness are at the heart of the Christmas spirit. It’s a time to pause, reflect, and appreciate the people in our lives. It’s a celebration of community, of coming together, and of the bonds that connect us all.


So, when we talk about Christmas with our young ones, we can focus on these universal values. We can teach them about the importance of kindness, the joy of sharing, and the beauty of being part of a community. Christmas, in its essence, is a celebration of the human spirit, of our capacity for love, and of the hope that lights our way through the darkest times. By understanding the rich tapestry of traditions and stories that have shaped Christmas, we can help our children appreciate the holiday in a way that resonates with them, regardless of religious beliefs. It’s a time to celebrate the warmth of our human connections and the joy of being together.

 

Filed under: Parenting & Education

My Favorite Books About Parenting

Last updated: May 09, 2023Leave a Comment

parenting books

As a parent, one of the topmost priorities in my life is to give my kids a good education and see them grow into happy, fully functional adults. Parenting skills are not something we inherit or are just born with. For some, educating their kids in the same way their parents taught them might be good enough, but times change and what worked 20 or 30 years back is likely not as ideal in today’s environment.

Here are some of the best books I’ve found on parenting. There are many subtopics, and if your child has particular traits that you identify early on, it pays to read books about those particular challenges, and also seek help when needed.

  1. Emotional Development and Discipline:
    • Raising a Secure Child
    • No-Drama Discipline
    • The Whole-Brain Child
    • The 5 Love Languages of Children
    • How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
  2. Parent-Child Communication and Collaboration:
    • Raising Human Beings
    • The Explosive Child
    • Parenting with Love and Logic
    • Siblings Without Rivalry
  3. Happiness and Well-being:
    • Raising Happiness
    • How Children Thrive
    • Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids
    • The Danish Way of Parenting
    • The Happiest Kids in the World
  4. Managing and Understanding Challenging Behaviors:
    • Parenting the Strong-Willed Child
    • Lost at School
  5. Passing on Life Lessons
    • A Gift to My Children: A Father’s Lessons for Life and Investing

While I stress the importance of reading books and similar resources to help develop parenting skills, you should also approach parenting with an open mind and be flexible. When your gut feeling tells you that it is worth trying a new approach, it’s usually worth a shot. Books can only get you so far, it is the parent that knows their child best (if they are spending enough time with them in the first place), therefore being willing to think outside of the box is also an important skill to have when bringing up children.

I’ve personally found that having a like-minded peer group of parents is also very helpful, especially when you need support on a particularly tough situation that you feel unable to handle. Schools also play a crucial role, so make sure you make the right choice for your kids, else you might find yourself fighting a losing fight against the school’s teachings and friends’ peer pressure.

Filed under: Parenting & Education

Teaching Kids How to Code

Published: March 10, 2023Leave a Comment

In today’s fast-paced, technology-driven world, it’s no secret that coding has become an essential skill for everyone, including children. The ability to code can open up a world of opportunities, from creating apps and websites to developing software and even designing robots. In this article, I’ll share my journey on teaching my kids how to code and include useful resources for you to check out as a parent.

First of all, why is coding so important for kids to learn? For starters, coding helps children develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills. When kids learn to code, they learn how to break down complex problems into smaller, more manageable pieces. This kind of thinking is useful in all aspects of life, from schoolwork to personal relationships.

Coding also promotes creativity and innovation. By learning to code, children can bring their ideas to life and create things that have never been seen before. They can design their own games, apps, and websites, or even build robots and other cool gadgets.

Another important reason to teach kids to code is that it’s a highly sought-after skill in today’s job market. In fact, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, employment of software developers is projected to grow 22% from 2019 to 2029, much faster than the average for all occupations. By learning to code at a young age, kids can set themselves up for a successful and rewarding career in the future.

When I was in my teens, software development was not yet a very respected career path, the internet was still in its infancy, and my parents were somewhat worried about my obsession with computers and coding instead of being interested in more traditional subjects and professions. Of course, today the world is completely different, and software developers are among the most sought-after people and are highly paid.

Early Exposure to Coding Principles

For toddlers and young children (ages 1-6), there are also plenty of coding toys and games available that can help introduce them to the basics of coding. Examples include the Code-a-Pillar by Fisher-Price, which teaches kids sequencing and logic skills, and the Ozobot, a small robot that kids can program using color codes.

Of course, other logic-based games will also help. For example, with my kids, I used a lot of puzzles (from 1.5 years) as well as introduced them to draughts and chess around the 4-year mark.

Parallel to that, I used non-screen-based resources that are more directly related to coding. As parents, we wanted to limit screen time for our kids, and thankfully there are some pretty good toys that help to introduce kids to programming without needing a screen.

Learning Resources’ Coding Critters Go Pets Scrambles the Fox was a good first intro to teach my kids that we can build electronic devices that follow certain routines. In this case, the fox follows a line that can either be drawn or assembled using the provided cards.

Also from Learning Resources, Botley is a coding robot that is designed for children aged 5 to 9, however, I used it with my son as early as 2.5 years old. It is a fun and interactive way for kids to learn the basics of coding and problem-solving. Botley comes with a remote control that children can use to program Botley to move around, avoid obstacles, and perform various tasks. Botley also has sensors that can detect lines and objects, allowing children to create obstacle courses and mazes for Botley to navigate. The programming occurs with little cards that you use to create the logic of your program.

Online Learning Platforms for Kids

Here are a few online tools and platforms that are useful in helping kids start their coding journey. I’d say the online platforms are good for kids aged 7 and upwards.

Hatchcoding

Hatch is an online coding platform designed specifically for kids, with interactive lessons and games that make learning to code fun and engaging. Hatch offers a variety of courses, from beginner-level coding to advanced topics like web development and game design. Parents and educators can also track their child’s progress and provide guidance and support along the way.

Scratch

Another great resource for teaching kids to code is Scratch, a free online platform developed by MIT that allows children to create interactive stories, games, and animations. Scratch is easy to use and offers a variety of tutorials and resources to help kids get started.

Filed under: Parenting & Education

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