A Conversation on Timing, Priorities, and the Pursuit of a Meaningful Life
I have many friends approaching midlife, and a good number of those who are not yet married and raising kids are grappling with the question of whether it’s too late to find the right partner, have children, and build a life that balances love, ambition, and stability.
It’s a conversation that many successful, independent, and driven individuals—especially women—find themselves having as they near 40. There’s a cultural narrative that suggests we must have it all figured out by a certain age: love, career, family, financial security. But real life is not always so neatly packaged.
Let’s break down the key concerns and explore them from different angles. I will be focusing more on women as the simple truth is that men have less of a biological clock ticking in the background. While I do strongly believe that it is best for men to have their kids between the ages of 25 and 40 so as to be able to maximise their time with kids and the physical ability to do things with them, they have more flexibility in delaying the big decisions.
So let’s go ahead and consider some typical questions that women approaching their 40s might be dwelling upon.
1. Have I Missed My Chance to Have Children?
The biological clock is real, but it’s not a doomsday device. While fertility naturally declines with age, medical advancements like egg freezing, IVF, and other fertility treatments have made having children later in life more possible than ever. Many women today are having healthy pregnancies in their 40s.
More important than biology, though, is the question: Do you truly want children, or do you feel like you “should” have them?
Having kids is an enormous, life-altering decision—one that requires emotional and practical readiness. It’s worth deeply reflecting on whether your desire is based on personal fulfillment or societal expectations.
If the answer is yes—you truly want children—then the next step is taking proactive measures. Whether that means assessing your fertility now, freezing eggs, or considering alternative paths like surrogacy or adoption, there are options.
2. Did I Spend Too Much Time Chasing the Wrong Things?
I do believe that modern feminism has gone too far and glorified the working woman over the stay-at-home mum who devotes all her time to raising kids. For most families, a traditional setup of working husband and stay-at-home mum is the ideal to aim for. I know it’s a controversial opinion, but I’m standing by it.
Having said that, if as a woman, you’re approaching your 40s and feeling a tinge of regret at spending the past twenty years focusing on your career and other things that society pushes women to aim for, all is not lost. The most important thing is to realize the lie of feminism. Your past—whether it was prioritizing career, travel, or unconventional relationships—isn’t a mistake. It was simply the path you took to get here. Regret is a tricky thing; it tricks us into believing that we should have known then what we only learned now.
The key takeaway isn’t that you “wasted time.” It’s that you’ve now gained the clarity to prioritize what truly matters to you going forward.
Instead of lamenting the past, focus on the present: What do you want now, and how do you align your actions to make it happen?
3. Will My Relationship History Scare Off Potential Partners?
There’s no sugarcoating it—dating in your late 30s and early 40s comes with different dynamics than in your 20s. But it’s not a death sentence for finding love.
Your relationship history isn’t a liability—it’s part of your story. It’s true that some men might prefer a “clean slate,” especially when talking about previous marriages or having kids, but the right man will see your experiences as growth rather than baggage. When we date someone we don’t only look at the statistics of that person; we get to know their story.
The question isn’t whether your past relationships will scare someone off. It’s whether you’re looking for someone who values the person you’ve become because of those experiences.
4. Is It Too Late to Find Someone to Build a Life With?
The idea that love and meaningful relationships are reserved for people under 30 is simply false. People are finding love—and starting families—later in life more than ever.
What’s more important than age is alignment: finding a partner who shares your vision, values, and long-term goals.
The thing here is that most women who have delayed kids and possibly relationships have done so due to prioritizing things like career and travel. So we have to consider whether finding someone who fits into that life is possible. Unless the woman is ready to make a drastic change to her lifestyle, she will be seeking to form a “power couple” dynamic. This entails building a life, a business, and a family together.
It’s absolutely possible, but it requires a level of intentionality in dating that many people don’t practice.
Instead of approaching dating from a place of fear (“Am I too late?”), reframe it:
- What kind of partner would thrive in the life I envision?
- Where would I realistically meet someone like this?
- How can I communicate my vision and desires clearly from the start?
Dating with purpose means being upfront about what you want, filtering out mismatches early, and focusing only on those who share your goals.
5. Can You Have Kids and Still Build a Business?
Raising kids while running a business is challenging—but doable. Many of the most successful entrepreneurs have found ways to integrate family life with their professional ambitions.
However, there are trade-offs. The idea of a high-intensity startup while raising young kids is unrealistic. But a sustainable, well-structured business? Absolutely.
It helps to be clear about expectations:
- Would you be okay stepping back from full-time entrepreneurship while raising young children?
- Would your ideal partner be able (and willing) to take on more of the financial load during this period?
- Could you build a business that operates more passively rather than requiring constant hands-on work?
With the right strategy, you can have both—a fulfilling career and a family. But the key is designing your business model around the life you want, not the other way around.
6. How Do I Transition from a Nomadic Lifestyle to Stability?
If you’ve spent years traveling and embracing an adventurous lifestyle, transitioning to a more stable, family-oriented life can feel overwhelming. But it’s entirely possible. The key is to be intentional about where you settle, who you surround yourself with, and how you adjust your routines.
Some steps to consider:
- Choose a base that aligns with your long-term goals. For example, if the Mediterranean is your preference, focus on a city or town that offers both stability and community. You’re unlikely to find your long-term power couple partner in a rural village in Italy. However, places like Barcelona offer a wide range of possibilities and can accelerate your transition.
- Surround yourself with like-minded individuals. Join groups, attend local meetups, and immerse yourself in a community that values both entrepreneurship and family.
- Adjust your mindset from constant movement to deep-rooted fulfillment. Being settled doesn’t mean losing excitement—it means shifting toward meaningful engagement in a chosen place.
Making this transition isn’t about “giving up” travel; it’s about integrating it into a more balanced lifestyle.
Final Thoughts
You haven’t “missed your chance.” You’re just at a crossroads where intentional decisions matter more than ever. I would say that most people start asking questions around this point in their life, whatever their life situation is. I certainly went through and am still going through this period of asking many questions and realigning my life to make sure I transition gracefully into the second half of my life. Be cognizant that you’re in the same boat as everyone else, and forget about what people might say or think. I went out and bought a sports car when I turned 40, and it was the best decision I ever made. I love that car and it’s giving me awesome experiences. People want to call it a midlife crisis car? No problem; the important thing is how I feel and how my family feels about things.
Instead of seeing midlife as an endpoint, consider it a turning point—a time to realign your life with what truly matters to you.
Some people get everything lined up early, but many don’t find their stride until their 40s or later. So take stock realistically of your situation, strengths and weaknesses, and be very specific of what you want for the future, then take the appropriate steps to get there.
What matters is not where you are today, but what you do next.
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